Getting over a pregnancy scare...

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queenofspades
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Getting over a pregnancy scare...

Post by queenofspades »

Hello girls. Well first of all, pregnancy and pregnancy scares are a sensitive topic for some so if you're particularly sensitive about all things pregnancy/parenting/premarital sex/contraception/termination-related (for whatever reasons it might be), don't read on. :?

So here's my story; I'm only 21 and on a rather difficult relationship. I don't want to marry my partner nor do I consider living with him or growing old beside him. I'm in college and have no job. My family is not poor but neither particularly wealthy and also very strict. I was never too close to my parents and I don't think they would approve of me having premarital sex, let alone a baby conceived outside a "perfect" marriage. Note; they don't exactly like my boyfriend either!

Last month I had a little accident. I was on the pill. However, I took two tablets rather late. Less than the recommended twelve hours, but still late. We use no other form of contraception and (TMI!) were sexually active in the meantime. Big irresponsibility, I know. Won't happen again for sure. From that day on, my life became hell. I've been haunted by the possibility of being pregnancy ever since. And it's been a month since then!

From that night on, I've been running to see doctors non-stop. I've done 4 blood tests and at least a dozen home pregnancy tests. Had two ultrasounds done. All negative. No signs of pregnancy hormones, no suspicious signs of an embryo or pregnant-ish womb. My last blood test, 3 weeks after that night, was plain negative. My last ultrasound, 4 weeks after that possible conception-night, was equally clear. And so were all ultra-sensitive (and ultra-expensive!) uine tests. Yup, I've spent a fortune on this already. I talked to several doctors and all told me I wasn't pregnant or that the possibility of undetected pregnancy at this stage would be minimal (as in 0.0001%). I even had my period on the expected day. But since I was on the pill, I figured it could be a mock-period as some pregnant women have them.

So, you can ask... what's your problem? After all, it turns out that I'm not pregnant. Since I didn't want to, I should be jumping around doing the victory dance. However, I'm not. Not because I secretly wanted a child, far from that. But because I can't seem to get over the nagging fear of being pregnant. I keep thinking the doctors might have failed to see it in the ultrasound... or that I might be that unlucky 0.0001% whose pregnancy isn't detected until much later on. I keep taking home tests and all keep coming back negative. I feel like I'm going nuts.

So nuts, I don't think I'll have a sexual drive ever again. The act of intimacy disgusts me as I know it could end in more scares like this. And yes, I know some of you will agree with me and say I should be having intercourse if I'm not ready to deal with the possible consequences. The panic I experienced was so overwhelming I can't move on. The awful image of me having to request an abortion or (worse) holding an unwanted innocent baby kills me everyday. I keep expecting the worst!

Has anyone ever experienced a pregnancy scare? How did you cope?

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Re: Getting over a pregnancy scare...

Post by Bunny »

That used to happen to me whenever my boyfriend would come down to see me every three months. We use condoms because I can't be on birth control due to whacked out hormones/other issues and even though I'd check the condom to make sure it didn't break every time, I'd psych myself out and still thing that some semen magically got out of the condom and way up into me? :lol: I'd get so scared and thing that my stomach was getting hard/bigger (in the span of a month, lol. lord..) and would do the worst possible thing, googling shit. I'd read that even though you get your period that you could still be pregnant and that'd worry me extra hard. I'd get so much anxiety over thinking I was pregnant (my parents are also strict and against pre-marital sex) and thinking of the worst that I'd miss a period. Imagine how greatly that got added into my pot of worry, ha. The next month I'd get my period again and breathe a sigh of huge relief but in the back of my head still be worrying from all the bs I read online.

I'm better now, though. I stopped freaking out every time he'd come down to see me and we'd have sex sometime mid last year because I realized that magical semen wont fly out of a condom that didn't break or anything.

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Re: Getting over a pregnancy scare...

Post by nothinggold »

You are fine. You are not pregnant, please stop worrying.
If I were you, I'd stop having sex for the time being. A pregnancy scare can drive a girl nuts and I would give my poor mental state a break. Don't do anything until you are comfortable.
When you do feel comfortable or want to try to take steps to help ease yourself back in to having sex, maybe start setting an alarm on your phone to take your pill. Do you wake up at the same time every day? Consider taking it then. Double your protection up and have him use condoms during any sexual contact. It may be a change at first, but you'll get used to it and when you move onto another partner, it's a good habit to have established to protect yourself. Speak to your boyfriend about ejaculating outside you at all time. No cumming in you. Go to a pharmacy and purchase a Plan B One Step just in case all three of those safe guards fail.
Pregnancy tests are super cheap on Amazon. You can buy 50 for like $20. Take it slow, don't do anything you're uncomfortable with. Consider seeking therapy for the anxiety you experienced. It's not normal to feel panic like that and it certainly isn't a way to live your life.

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Re: Getting over a pregnancy scare...

Post by crazycandy »

I am kind of wondering about your relationship. if u don't see yourself married to him or growing old with him, let alone he be the father of your kid, then why are you with him?

I had pregnancy scare too, one too many. especially my first relationship. its like he don't respect me and kept on doing the same mistake over again, no matter how much I lecture him and try to drill it in his head. I'm going through hell and worrying he should at least do the right thing and lessen the worry.

you are not pregnant. but maybe this is a wake up call? on your relationship or extra precaution? a healthy relationship should be when u both feel comfortable with each other, and IF u became pregnant (not that u want to) u are at least ok.
i think its more psychological issue then just pregnancy scare?? i could be wrong..

maybe there is more then meets the eye?

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Re: Getting over a pregnancy scare...

Post by The_HotSpot »

It might actually be a psychological issue.

Not sure how strict your parents are, but I was raised in fear of the world and the people of it. My parent made sure I was extremely cautious of my surroundings, in fact started scarying me about rape when I was only 7 years old to a point I thought I would get raped if I wasn't within 2 inches from my parent.

Being pregnant can be looked at as a sin in certain cultures (believe you said English isn't your first language) to a point it becomes an obsession to not befallen into judgemental eyes.

However, it doesn't seem like your pregnant. But, is it possible for you to see a therapist? I'm basing this off of my experience, its not a bad thing to see one. They can give you ease of mind and body; also help give coping ideas and methods.

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Re: Getting over a pregnancy scare...

Post by queenofspades »

The_HotSpot wrote:It might actually be a psychological issue.

Not sure how strict your parents are, but I was raised in fear of the world and the people of it. My parent made sure I was extremely cautious of my surroundings, in fact started scarying me about rape when I was only 7 years old to a point I thought I would get raped if I wasn't within 2 inches from my parent.

Being pregnant can be looked at as a sin in certain cultures (believe you said English isn't your first language) to a point it becomes an obsession to not befallen into judgemental eyes.

However, it doesn't seem like your pregnant. But, is it possible for you to see a therapist? I'm basing this off of my experience, its not a bad thing to see one. They can give you ease of mind and body; also help give coping ideas and methods.
That's exactly my situation. My parents raised me making me fear everyone and everything! They wish I had perfect friends and boyfriends like nobody actually has for they don't exist. That's why I don't think they'll ever approve of anyone I chose to be a part of my life. They loathe my boyfriend and his family and they loathed all of my other boyfriend and friends for they were never "decent" enough.

I have no idea how they would react if I said "Mom, dad, I'm pregnant." I can only imagine both of them having heart attacks and dying on the spot. They reacted that way in the past. When they found out I drank beer occasionally (like most people do in college) my mom had to lie in bed for she was about to pass out from hystheria.

An "accident" can happen to anyone and thankfully abortion is legal where I live but it hurts 1000 times more when you know what you're doing is condemned by your family. The physical pain associated with the process is already described as being unbearable , now imagine the psychological side to this.

I have already contacted a therapist but I'm on the waiting list for an appointment. And it'll probably be long before they call me. I keep taking early response pregnancy tests and they all keep coming back negative, one month after I last had intercourse. But I'm still worried and this is killing me. I talked to my boyfriend and told him I don't want to be intimate with him for the time being, he understood me and said he didn't mind but after two minutes of being alone with me at my place he started acting sexual again. I turned him down and he didn't insist but I felt repulsed.

I guess the whole scare has killed the attraction I had for him. I know it was not his "fault" but I believe deep inside I blame him. I dislike intercourse and I'd rather not have it, when I do is because I want to please him and make him happy. I'll probably need some time alone to process the whole thing.

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Re: Getting over a pregnancy scare...

Post by Diorette »

If you let your parents take control of your emotions and feelings you won't enjoy anything, you're not a kid anymore and they shouldn't act like everything you do is sin, maybe you could talk to them about how you feel.
You may want as well to take time for yourself because you're not enjoying your relationship and if you're not happy, what's the point of it then?
My parents are very protective too, they're loving and good parents but they used to think that if I wasn't with them someone would rape me, and that made me fear of being alone in a mall,I'm 17 and sometimes when I want to go to some store alone they won't let me, I know it's not that similar to you but I can imagine how they make you feel.

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Re: Getting over a pregnancy scare...

Post by crazycandy »

That the funny thing about parents. they scare u to death about guys and babies when u are at the age of having boyfriends. but when you're hitting the 30 mark and still dont have anyone, they try to set u up like mad.
there is no pleasing them.
i have stories of myself and friends which this happened to. when my friend is at the marriage age her mom tried to force her to marry a guy she did not like. her mom is best friends with the guy's mother.
my other friend, her mom is forcing her to marry, she past the marriage stage and try to set her up with a 'business man', but she's in love with a new guy.
i had a boyfriend before and my mom always wanted me to marry (date) a guy that is our race. and when i do its not good enough. thats because she wanted me to marry a guy she's approved of and she had an eye on one for me, an 'accountance'. so i just sod it and just go for what makes me happy. and she gave up on me.

i know it seem like mothers only want the best for their daughters but sometime they just want someone to do their tax return.. or something with a personal gain for them.

u shouldn't care what your parent thinks, because its never good enough (even if u reach a high standard). right now you are young and parent can still control u, when you're in your late 20's i think they will ease off.

right now my relationship with my parent is good (take years and learnt the hard way), but when i was young it was a nightmare. i can still remember her words clearly "NO ONE WILL EVER WANT TO DATE YOU!!" *more insults* etc and my career choice *more insults* and my looks.
so dont let it affect you and live your life happy. u have to look after number one, which is you.

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Re: Getting over a pregnancy scare...

Post by Winter song »

Your paranoia is preventing you from seeing reality and understanding that by this point a pregnancy test (especially blood test) would have come back positive. I would be more concerned about your relationship than your pregnancy scare. If you don't see a future with your boyfriend, why are you putting energy into the relationship and allowing your relationship to make you feel so stressed and anxious? What I am trying to say is if you are so terrified of a pregnancy alone, why are you having sex with somebody you don't really even want to be with or have sex with? I would evaluate your relationship because sooner than later you will realize you are not pregnant but you will still be in a relationship with the same person. I think this could be partly why it scares you so much to accidentally become pregnant considering you don't see a future with your boyfriend.

Making an appointment with a therapist is a great start and I hope you can work through you fear/disgust of intimacy. You should accept that you made a mistake by taking your pills late and don't blame yourself or your boyfriend for what could have happened instead of what actually happened. Don't envision what terrible things could have happened in your family or in a hospital or anything. The worst thing you can do is continue to poison your own mind. Acknowledge that you learned your lesson and move forward. You might find that being sexually active isn't something you are comfortable with and if you don't like intercourse or are still shaken up, please don't have sex. You shouldn't feel that you are having sex for the benefit of someone else. Sex is a beautiful way to be intimate in a relationship but not the only way. The more you force yourself to please him, the more you are tainting sex for yourself and making it harder to view it positively.

This message is all over the place but I hope you can kind of pick up on what I was trying to say.

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Re: Getting over a pregnancy scare...

Post by queenofspades »

Thanks, everyone! You've all been really supportive.
I am this point extremely scared but worried about my mental health more than anything. I believe I have some sort of OCD by now and it doesn't seem to be going away.

Today I took another pregnancy test. It was negative. I know that the results change about after half an hour and that you can get a false positive and get confused. Still, I took that test and stared at the negative result for 45 minutes. I twisted and turned it and saw it under different lines and that pink line simply wasn't there. Around the 40 minute mark, though, I believe I saw a grey shadow on the test window (an evaporation line, not a positive) and even if I know it was not a positive, I freaked out. I ran to buy another test and it was negative again, this time I threw it away after 20 minutes, as recommended. And no evaporation line showed up. But I still went crazy about it and right now I believe I might finally be close to getting my first positive. 33 days after I last had intercourse. Even if I *know* that it was not a positive line and that it probably wasn't even there. I'm hallucinating, that's all.

Wednesday I'm taking another test. This is crazy, I feel ridiculous. The drugstore cashier has seen my buy five tests in the past week, I bet she laughs her butt off each time I leave. I was feeling better before this, damn me for taking another test!

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Re: Getting over a pregnancy scare...

Post by wellwellwell »

You should get some help. You're going to drive yourself crazy trying to deal with this situation alone.

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Re: Getting over a pregnancy scare...

Post by incognito »

This does sound like you may have an obsessive disorder. I have been in therapy for a type of obsessive disorder for a couple months, and the main thing that I've learned is that the more you repeat the behaviors (taking pregnancy tests, going to doctors, etc), the more it feeds your anxiety and causes you to worry even more. You should try and see a therapist, hopefully since it's only been going on for a month they can get you back on track pretty quickly. Good luck :)

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Re: Getting over a pregnancy scare...

Post by Decayedbeauty »

crazycandy wrote:I am kind of wondering about your relationship. if u don't see yourself married to him or growing old with him, let alone he be the father of your kid, then why are you with him?
Meh who hasn't dated someone they didn't want to marry, I mean really? Well..unless you haven't dated anyone period. You live and learn. :love2:

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Re: Getting over a pregnancy scare...

Post by Decayedbeauty »

I used to be like you a bit, not to the point of going to the doctor though. What helped me is using another form of birth control in addition to pills. Condoms or the pull out or nfp are easy and helpful. And if the guy says he can't pull out he's full of it.

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Re: Getting over a pregnancy scare...

Post by Decayedbeauty »

also you can buy pregnancy tests are most dollar stores though, but be aware you can get a false positive as well. I'm not sure why you'd still think you're pregnant after blood tests and an ultra sound though...you should really get a referral for a crisis counselor or something.

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Re: Getting over a pregnancy scare...

Post by thismustbetheplace »

queenofspades wrote:Thanks, everyone! You've all been really supportive.
I am this point extremely scared but worried about my mental health more than anything. I believe I have some sort of OCD by now and it doesn't seem to be going away.

Today I took another pregnancy test. It was negative. I know that the results change about after half an hour and that you can get a false positive and get confused. Still, I took that test and stared at the negative result for 45 minutes. I twisted and turned it and saw it under different lines and that pink line simply wasn't there. Around the 40 minute mark, though, I believe I saw a grey shadow on the test window (an evaporation line, not a positive) and even if I know it was not a positive, I freaked out. I ran to buy another test and it was negative again, this time I threw it away after 20 minutes, as recommended. And no evaporation line showed up. But I still went crazy about it and right now I believe I might finally be close to getting my first positive. 33 days after I last had intercourse. Even if I *know* that it was not a positive line and that it probably wasn't even there. I'm hallucinating, that's all.

Wednesday I'm taking another test. This is crazy, I feel ridiculous. The drugstore cashier has seen my buy five tests in the past week, I bet she laughs her butt off each time I leave. I was feeling better before this, damn me for taking another test!
This sounds like OCD (I used to have it so I know). There is ZERO statistical chance of so many results coming up negative, you getting your period, and you still being pregnant. You need to see a psychiatrist ASAP. It sounds like this is getting worse.

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Re: Getting over a pregnancy scare...

Post by WhatTheFudge »

If not getting your period is an issue contributing to your fear, then that could very well be due to the fact that you're clearly stressing the crap out of yourself over this. Of course this is something that would stress someone out, but it seems you're going a little overboard with it. You have had more than enough assurance that you're not pregnant, and so it's now time to work on conditioning your brain to stop freaking you out on a non-existent problem. You should really consider help for your obsessive behavior, as well as this phobia. Good luck, dear.

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